by Chris Gordy & Kurt Valvis
Better late than never, but with just a few hours to go until the 2014 NFL Draft, Gordy & Valvis break down the Section217 Mock Draft. Let’s see how many we get right. For each correct pick, Ben must do Patron shots…
1. Texans select…. Khalil Mack. Might seem like a shocker, but Texans buy into Clowney work-ethic concerns. Mack lined up outside JJ Watt or aside Brian Cushing gives the Texans a stud pass rush.
2. Rams select… Sammy Watkins. It’s a coin flip between Watkins and Greg Robinson, but Watkins can be an elite receiving threat that Sam Bradford has never had in St. Louis.
3. Jaguars select… Johnny Manziel. Very tempted to take Clowney here, but Gus Bradley wants to get his offense going. And he does so with the electrifying Heisman winner to solidify the whitest QB-RB combo with Toby Gerhart.
4. Browns select… Jadeveon Clowney. Not a need, but they aren’t letting the best player in the Draft fall any further than this; besides, Barkevious Mingo wasn’t exactly a stud last year. They could also use him as trade bait.
5. Oakland selects… Greg Robinson. Oakland is synonymous for having bad o-lines, so G Rob helps open holes for the ancient McFadden & Jones-Drew, while blocking for old ass Schaub.
6. Falcons select… Taylor Lewan. Atlanta got excited when Clowney began to fall, but instead they upgrade their O-Line in an attempt to keep Matt “Horse-teeth” Ryan from being sacked 100 times.
7. Bucs select… Mike Evans. They like Jake Matthews, but opt for his Aggie teammate. After trading Mike Williams last month, they need a complement to Vincent Jackson & a weapon for the boring Mike Glennon.
8. Vikings select… Blake Bortles. Minnesota has needed a QB forever, so they grab whichever elite talent is left. His job: don’t screw up the times in between Adrian Peterson hand offs.
9. Bills select… Eric Ebron. Gruden scowls at this pick as it’s a bit of a reach, but the Bills are determined to get EJ Manuel a security blanket. The best tight end in the draft helps out.
10. Lions select… Ha Ha Clinton-Dix. Detroit needs to fix it’s secondary, and with so few elite safeties, they select the best of the bunch, and also win the “Most Ridiculous Name Drafted” award. Seriously, that name is clownish.
11. Titans select… Aaron Donald. DC Ray Horton wants a pass rush & that starts with the push up front. Aaron Donald is a stud. They want a QB, but they’ll sit tight for now.
12. Giants select… Jake Matthews. Needs abound for this Giants team, but keeping Eli clean is the highest priority. Not only that, they get the best prospect left on the board.
13. Rams select… Zach Martin. They’re loaded at WR now with Austin, Pettis & Watkins. Time to get the run game going with Stacy/Pead/Richardson. Martin is a solid pick.
14. Bears select… Darqueze Denard. The first corner to come off the board helps a team with no stud corners to speak of. Dennard could slide right in as a starter.
15. Steelers select… Justin Gilbert. The run on cornerbacks begins. William Gay & Ike Taylor are old as hell. Time to get young, & get a guy who will play for the next decade in Pittsburgh.
16. Dallas selects... Calvin Pryor. Cowboys defense was a dumpster fire last year, so they start to rebuild with Louisville’s stud safety. Still, WHY DID THE JAGS HAVE TO TAKE MANZIEL. THIS WAS HIS SPOT, AND THE INTERNET WOULD HAVE BROKE.
17. Baltimore selects… Anthony Barr. Defensive players just seem to flock to the Ravens, & they get a guy who was a consensus top 5 pick just months ago. In other systems, he might struggle, but with the Ravens, Barr will make the Pro Bowl his rookie year.
18. Jets select... Odell Beckham Jr. Thanks to Gordy’s undying love for Anthony Barr (which started early last year), the Jets get exactly who they want. Beckham immediately becomes their go to receiver, and is a leader for ORoY.
19. Dolphins select… Cyrus Koundjio. Miami is pissed, they wanted Zach Martin. So they’ll settle for the Alabama guy who will spend half the year hurt like most of Saban’s players do in the NFL.
20. Cardinals select… Derek Carr. Another of Gordy’s mancrushes comes off the board. Palmer is going to be 35 this year, and he wasn’t great last year. Time to groom a replacement.
21. Packers select… CJ Mosely. Alabama linebackers have fared well in the NFL in recent years. Mosley, Peppers, Hawk & Matthews? Studly line-backing corps.
22. Eagles select… Marqise Lee. He tortured Chip Kelly in the Pac-10, now he’ll help him in the NFL. The gap Desean Jackson left is easily filled.
23. Kansas City Chiefs select … Marqise Lee. KC has struggled to move the ball down the field for years, and outside of Dwayne Bowe, they have no other threats. Though he had a sub-par 2013, Lee was a beast his first 2 yrs at USC. Now they just need Chase Daniel to beat out Alex Smith.
24. Bengals select… Kyle Fuller. The Bengals might have the most talented team in the NFL, but ginger gun-slinger Andy Dalton seems to hold that roster back. While they should take QB here, they give Dalton another year to not prove himself and take Fuller because you always need more corners.
25. Chargers select… Jason Verrett. The cornerback train continues as San Diego nabs the best corner in the draft, problem is he’s 5’9″. Chargers don’t care; they need someone to help cover all those Bronco receivers.
26. Cleveland selects… Teddy Bridgewater. Browns need a QB bad, and after passing on one with their first pick, they nab Bridgewater, who will play with a chip on his shoulder for plummeting down teams Draft boards.
27. Saints select… Dee Ford. Saints tempted to take Brandin Cooks here, but can’t help but get Rob Ryan another defensive weapon. The pick lets Akiem Hicks slide back to NT, while Cam Jordan & Junior Galette continue to get to the QB.
28. Panthers select… Kevin Benjamin. Cam is a freak at QB, so they get a physical freak at WR to pair with them and fill a major need.
29. Patriots select…Ra’Shede Hageman. Pats love big nose tackles. The 6’6″ 310-pound Golden Gopher could replace Vince Wilfork quickly.
30. 49ers select… Brandin Cooks. One of the deepest teams in the league still needs some more guys to throw to, Cooks gives them a big-play threat and someone who can turn a short pass into a touchdown.
31. Broncos select… Ryan Shazier. Say goodbye to Wesley Woodyard, say hello to Shazier out of Ohio State. This guy just looks like a Bronco. All you need to know.
32. Seahawks select… Morgan Moses. Seattle’s o-line was leaky all season, they needed an upgrade of biblical proportions….
There you have it. In case you were wondering, Gordy had the odd picks, Valvis had the even picks. Enjoy.